Most of the people I know in my life always share this question when they start to have a feeling that a person could be their person. I never really thought about it until very recently.
How do I know that this person is my person, what could be the measure, how can I say that I am not just in love and therefore ignoring the actual red flags about this person. How do I know that my heart is not diluting the logical reasoning in my brain.
What should we expect to see from the so called ‘your person’? Is it really that we should not have any certain expectation on what we think want from a person? Is it really that we should not expect that person to understand us, to judge us fairly (I accepted the fact that no human can stay away from being judgmental), to say things that we needed to hear?
If those are the case, what are we actually looking for then?
I know this set of questions sounds like a request to define love, to create logical standard over something illogical (the feeling of love is illogical to me), to define what should be considered as perfect match.
But, at the same time, I suppose it’ll be fair to say that all of us need to understand the answer to all these questions.
As we are searching for the one, wouldn’t all of us want to know when can we stop our search? Most importantly, when we thought we have found our person, wouldn’t we want to know when we should start acknowledging that we had a ‘wrong’ thought so we can move on?
In my case, I have been in a stage where I would expect my person to fulfil all aspects in my life; I have then grown to understand that such expectation is actually not fair and should not be the case. But then, at this point, I still cannot say that I have drawn a fair line which can guide me in answering those questions; this has included my online search through google engine by the way, so I can fairly say that I did spare some efforts.
Some says that I should focus on finding someone who I know I can work together (for the rest of my lifetime) to build what me and that person want; could be family, could be wealthy life, could be anything. But, what if there are personality traits (of that person) you just cannot tolerate but you can actually work with that person for the other aspects of life.
Sometimes to put my mind at ease, I’d like to think that none of us could ever really understand a person (to the deepest and smallest part of that person); there are things you would not be able to understand from them even after years spent together.
On top of that, people change; what that person is now (character, opinion, action) might not be the same in future; life shapes all of us. A person is not a math formula, or an algorithm setting, which would always remains the same once we define it.
It will only be fair to also consider that the other person might struggle about the same thing i.e., understanding how to deal with me and all my flaws and perfection.
It is also very important to acknowledge that all of us were shaped by certain things that no one else could never understand; our past, how we were raised, our surrounding, our self discovery journey, heartbreak or even life struggles. All of us have our own issues that we will carry into the relationship and nothing can prevent this.
I think, eventually, it’s all about listening to ourselves; to that inner voice of ours. There will never be the right or the wrong answer, it’s all about us i,e., what we want, what we can work with, when we should stop pursuing something.
